Resolve

“To the degree that we look clearly and compassionately at ourselves, we feel confident and fearless about looking into someone else's eyes.” –Pema Chodron

Have you made your New Year’s resolution, yet? Lose 10 pounds. Quit smoking. Pay off debt. I have a tendency to be an extremist. For me…it’s all or nothing. Starting tomorrow…this body will not eat a refined carbohydrate for the next three months. I will rise at 5 a.m. to run 5 miles 5 days a week. From here on out, I am only drinking wine on Wednesdays. And from now on, I will ban Starbucks and make my Americanos at home. The list goes on… it’s exhausting and typically, doesn’t last for very long.

I was raised in a good Catholic household. If we worked really hard, deprived ourselves and repented for our sins, we just might enjoy the fruits of life. Our home was not one that necessarily nurtured compassion, rather hard work and achievements. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t such a bad thing. I value hard work, I appreciate goals and challenges, and I look forward to celebrating the rewards. But what I never quite understood was compassion toward myself and ultimately, others. In my world, there is always more to accomplish… a higher level of success to attain…and new ambitions, targets and objectives to nail. But what about compassion?

Tibetan Buddist teacher Pema Chodron writes: “When we talk of compassion, we usually mean working with those less fortunate than ourselves. Because we have better opportunities, a good education, and good health, we should be compassionate toward those poor people who don't have any of that. However, in working with the teachings on how to awaken compassion and in trying to help others, we might come to realize that compassionate action involves working with ourselves as much as working with others. Compassionate action is a practice, one of the most advanced.” Fostering compassion can help us fine tune our choices. Compassion creates the pause to contemplate, reflect and deliberate the large and small decisions we make in our lives. Compassion towards ourselves means we care about how we take care of ourselves, the life we live and ultimately, the energy that we give out. When we have compassion, we find kindness in our every action. So when we are compassionate, we respect ourselves and ultimately, the choices that we make nurture and support our well-being.

Yesterday, a friend said to me: “Jen, I know this sounds selfish but my New Year’s resolution is to start taking care of myself.” I responded: “You’re brilliant!” When we awaken compassion within ourselves, we are not bothered with losing 10 pounds, quitting smoking and getting out of debt, instead each reflective compassionate action in our lives rears reverence and admiration for the life we are living. Compassion generates value. There are no extremes, just simple contemplative choices. Year by year, month to month, week in and week out, every day and every moment in between.

It’s not easy. Work is required. And practice, critical. But the reward is fruitful. So maybe this year, you rethink your New Year’s resolution and instead of swearing off carbs, you invite compassion, and in that compassion you just might find that the donut doesn’t taste as good, the cigarettes become stinky and the dress not worth the debt. Once and for all, resolve.

“Compassion starts with making friends with ourselves…particularly with our poisons.” -Pema Chodron